all about….

The write up on Sita as a strong character in
the epic poem Ramayana generated some strong views. A comment from one
of a friends got her thinking. What about Lord Ram. The main lead in
the entire story. The Ramayana had been a gargantuan effort by
Maharishi Valmiki, to describe the virtues that a MAN should live by.
Ram is referred to as Maryada Purushottama, literally the Perfect Man. He was the husband of Sita, the perfect woman.

True the acceptable norms and virtues, change with time. Each era
has its own acceptable code of conduct. However, something as timeless
and eternal as Ramayana applies even today, with era based
interpretations, of course. There is that word again! Interpretations…
So lets see what kind of a husband was Lord Ram. I would not deign to
try and comment on Lord Ram as a Man, the epitome of all things right
and correct. However, I believe I can still have an opinion on Ram’s
role as a husband, from a woman’s point of view.

Now Lord Ram was above reproach when it came to how he handled his
duties as a son, as a king, and as a brother. But how about his duties
as a husband?

Lord Ram was after all put on this earth in human form. And like all
humans, he too succumbed to emotions of jealousy, caving under public
pressure, forsaking his wife. Does that make him an “Imperfect Man”?

Lord Ram peacefully conducted himself through the golden years after
his birth, his childhood, initiation, and marriage to Princess Sita. He
was the ideal son, obedient, respectful of his father’s honour. He was
a perfect elder brother to his three younger brothers. And he was an
attentive and loving husband to his wife, princess Sita.

Then adversity struck. As a chance to show mankind a way to conduct
itself in adversity, Lord Ram kept his parent’s honour and went into
exile.

Here he showed great understanding and patience, when his wife
(princess Sita) and younger brother (prince Laxman) argued with him to
take them along. As a husband, Lord Ram gave his wife equal authority
and decision making power. Sita had power to decide how their life
together will be shaped. He cared for Sita’s well being, and therefore
requested her (and even ordered her in his capacity as her husband) to
stay back in the security and comfort of the palace. However, when his
wife insisted with her very valid reasons of wanting to live with Lord
Ram to fulfill her patni dharm (duties of a pious wife),  as
well as out of love for Lord Ram, he listened and eventually relented.
Unlike altercations/arguments/discussions between spouses of today’s
times, ego did not play any role in this situation, on either side.

While in exile in the forests, Lord Ram, gave Sita his attention and
care. Looking after and enacting the role of the provider, while Sita
enacted the role of a home maker. He cared for her assiduously and
tried to fulfill her wishes. Thus he was persuaded by Sita to hunt for
the golden deer, against his better judgement.

When Sita was kidnapped by Ravana, Lord Ram showed his emotional
side. He was distraught with emotions at the kidnapping of his wife. He
then showed exemplary strength and willpower. He developed an army of vanars (monkeys), and fought an epic battle with Ravan for the honour and safe return of his wife.

However, Ram then succumbed to the human emotions. Thus when after
winning the war with Ravan, Sita returned, not to the loving arms of
her long separated husband. In-fact she met an angry Ram, who showed
his anger and jealousy. He knew Sita was pure, untouched; yet the
luxuries that she could have had access to in Ravan’s captivity , as
well as Ravan’s repute as a seducer, made him suspicious.

Ram after all as a “MAN” had a fragile ego when it came to his
beautiful wife. He had given up everything for honour, yet his own wife
was not able to keep her word. This could be the beginning of their
breakup. Now that the adrenalin of a war with Ravan was over, the
emotions inside came to the fore.

Ram loved Sita, yet he was angry at her, and suspicious. This is the reason why Sita agreed to an Agnee Pareekhsa (Proof
of her virtue). Sita gave up her ego (she had the right to be
indignant, at being asked to prove her chastity), and helped Ram to
come out of the inner struggle.

Ram who protected all, could not bring himself to unconditionally
trust his wife. However, after this, the couple returned to their
kingdom for the coronation. Sita after this became pregnant. And then
Ram was plunged into another struggle. The struggle between a husband
and a king. If he kept the counsel of his subjects, he would be unfair
to his wife. If instead he forsakes his subjects and followed Sita into
her second exile, he would be leaving his state headless. Not to
mention maligning the kshatriya honour. Hence Ram chose one path, that
of giving priority to his role as king over his role as Sita’s husband.

It doesn’t matter which path Lord Ram chose. What matters is how he
conducted himself after his decision. Lord Ram loved his wife, and
therefore, even though they separated as Sita went into exile, he did
not go his merry way. Unlike the ‘Man’ of today (Men today literally go
berserk, dating and what not after a separation), Lord Ram tried to be
with his wife in Spirit, if not in mind. He lived in the palace, but
his living conditions were similar to what Sita was enduring in the
forest. In fact Ram did penance with a gold statue of Sita. Although
they were separated, they were still husband and wife.

“The Perfect Man” here was a good son, a good brother and a loving
husband who never wavered from his commitment and word. Once he had
become Sita’s husband, his emotions may have wavered to jealousy and
anger, but he never ignored his wife. Unlike his father, he did not go
ahead and take several wives. Circumstances may have separated them.
But till the very end, he remained Sita’s husband.

And that according to me is a perfect husband. Not the man who can
keep his wife happy all the time. (That is not possible on this earth!)
But a man, who is committed to his wife, in body, mind and soul.